this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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