Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
