Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
