dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize