mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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