My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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