fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
