Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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