Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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