Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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