She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
