How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i think my cat just said my name.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
