I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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