I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
