do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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