Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
