I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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