look no pants
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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