so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
