i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
