filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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