Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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