we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize