so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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