As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
