i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize