Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
