I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
