i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
