So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
