He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
