Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
