it wasn't lemon gatorade
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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