I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize