Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
