She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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