How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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