i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize