I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize