dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize