Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
