I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
