Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
