Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
