Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
