redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
