When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
