I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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