In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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