Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
