loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
