I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
