Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
