His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
