Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
