I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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