**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
