Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
