Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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