life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
