Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
