guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
tell me about the fingering
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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