Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
