there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
