I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
All I want is dick and wine.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
