i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just googled if crying burns calories
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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