Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
