Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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