11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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