you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
